I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
