she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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