I'm gonna have a badass scar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
