I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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