There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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