pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
