You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
