I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
