I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
