somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
