I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
