Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
