tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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