3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
dude. I can hear the air.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
