That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
