I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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