im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
