It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
