I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
