I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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