Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
