i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
