it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
