my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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