Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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