so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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