I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
