she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
