Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
