Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
