Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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