who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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