I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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