Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
