She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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