And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
