now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
