Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
