I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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