Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
