oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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