...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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