i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
