The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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