i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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