Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
