Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
