marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
