Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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