i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
