this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
