You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
