I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
